One of my first few posts on my blog was aptly titled “Diva Baby or Quarantine Baby…That Is The Question”. That’s because Tessa has been a very different baby than the bruises were (they were more similar than not). She had infant habits that I’d call diva (and I now say diva because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just quarantine, but she is, in fact, a diva)…like not taking a bottle, not wanting to be put down, crying whenever mom hands her off to someone else. A lot of these habits have evolved and gotten much better as she’s gotten older. But I now notice how delicate and dainty she is compared to the boys, who were all over the place like a bull in a china shop.
And delicate and dainty sure is cute. She has the sweetest fine motor…she will sit for minutes and hours trying to pick up leaves or wisps of grass from the ground. You give her a piece of ribbon to hold on to at daycare and she’ll still be clutching it in her hand by the time you get home that night. She’ll play with all the food you give her, but gosh darnit she won’t bring any of it near her mouth on her own. The bruises run circles around her as she just sits there happily with no desire or intention to even try moving. Lots of noise or too much talking startles her…she prefers the peace and quiet (which she rarely gets thanks to the bruises).
Here’s where the mom-anxiety comes in. At what point is delicate and dainty a concern? I’m no stranger to the birth to three experience. The educator side of me saw some red flags that I was never able to let go of with Dominic, and at 9 months he qualified for birth to three, with moderate to significant developmental delays in 4 out of the 5 major categories: communication (expressive and receptive), cognitive, adaptive, and physical (fine and gross motor). The only area he was totally fine in was social. We worked our tails off for a year in OT, Speech, and Behavioral Intervention (our service providers were angels!), and the kid graduated advanced in all categories a year later. So he was either just a late bloomer from the start, or his early intervention worked miracles. I’ll never know the answer to that question.
So here we are with my bow and I can feel those little anxieties creeping up again. Mostly because it’s impossible not to compare your child to every other baby around you, especially the ones who are younger or the same exact age but are doing more advanced things. The boys were scarfing down soft table food and feeding themselves anything they could get their hands on at 9 months. Tessa takes her purees like a champ, but wants nothing to do with anything solid. We’ve also been in a few social situations lately where Tessa just sits on the ground while babies who are two months younger than her roll, crawl, and scoot circles around her. She hasn’t made it beyond push-up position.
Case in point: we’ve resorted to using mama’s cordless jump rope as a training tool for trying to encourage Tessa to crawl. She loves it, and I can see her little body working so hard!
I’m trying SO hard to sit on my anxieties this time around and not jump the gun. To wait it out because deep down I think I’m just realizing (and beginning to accept the fact) that all my babes are late bloomers and that’s ok. But man, you know how hard it is to sit on that worry? To feel it creeping into your mind and have to actively work to squash it. It’s hard! Especially when the pediatrician is peppering you with questions at the 9 month appointment like…is she feeding herself? (No.) Is she putting things in her mouth? (No.) Is she crawling? (No.) Is she trying to crawl (No.) Hey, she’s clapping and waving…that counts for something right? And to be totally clear, the pediatrician had zero concerns despite us answering no to a majority of her questions. Just said babies develop at different paces.
Yeah, yeah, I hear this all the time, and have heard it all the time since kid one. But it still makes it so hard not to compare! It must be a mom thing.
You know what the worst one is? I hate hate hate when people say…”She’s number three, she must know all the tricks by now.” Or, “usually after kid one they all develop faster.” Guess what? My kid one hit his developmental milestones earlier than my kid two, and so far, my kid three. I think the best advice (to myself AND to the people who keep saying junk like that) is to just stop. Let it go. Enjoy the moments, those milestones will come. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that she’s not tearing the house apart yet? I’ll never ever ever complain about her preference for all things mama either. I’m ok with my delicate and dainty, I don’t love her any less. ❤
Blue Bows and Books 
Katie,
This post moved me to comment. I can feel your anxiety and appreciate your honestly because every Mom goes through this. One thing I can tell you about having three kids and soon expecting a fourth is that all of my kids are very different. They each hit their milestones at unexpected times. Sometimes too early and other times what was considered too late. This continues to be true even now and they are all teenagers. I will say my daughter was definitely more drama from day one! Mike and I wondered if we could handle more kids when she was an infant because it was so bad. She is turning 18 in March and that drama is still going strong. It is just part of her personality and we love her because of it. I have one boy that we consider on “auto parenting” he does things without being told and always surprises us. Our youngest boy requires a lot of prior warning and hates to be rushed. Each one of them do well and have accomplished so much despite being very different. You are an excellent mom and do so much to help your kids develop. They are all going to do wonderful things because they are being raised by two wonderful parents. Don’t ever underestimate everything you do, your kids are lucky and will benefit from the time you spend with them in ways you still have not seen yet. One thing I have learned in all the crazy years of kids is when in doubt always trust your gut and don’t feel bad about it.
LikeLike