Category: About

The reason behind the name change

If you’ve been with me for a while now (well since summer 2020 to be exact), you might have noticed that, as of today (February 7, 2022), I’ve traded in Bruises Bows and Books for Blue Bows and Books. While I haven’t been as active on the blog side of things, my instagram community has been a place for me to stay connected, stay creative, and still be able to contribute while feeling less pressure to produce longer written text. I do have every intention of returning to this written space when I feel like I can manage it, but I at least wanted to hop on during the hiatus to give some voice to the aforementioned name change.

The summer of 2020 brought a whole new world to my identity. I began sharing motherhood, teacher life, and creativity publicly through this space and instagram, and with that I fell in love with Bruises Bows and Books. For a little background, the term ‘bruises’ is an ode to my two sons, who manifest all things boy constantly. The term ‘bows’ is an ode to my daughter, and the term ‘books’ is an ode to my profession, my passion, and my work with Usborne Books & More! Over the past two years, it has become a piece of my identity. I affectionately refer to this as ‘bruises’ to my close friends and family, and they immediately know what I’m referring to when I do.

I am proud of my space, but also reflective and on a continuous journey of evolution and growth.

I really started to question the ‘bruises’ side of the name a few months back, when I went to search for my account using the search bar. I typed in ‘bruises’ thinking the shorthand would pop up my account, but instead I got flagged by instagram with a message letting me know that the search term I used (bruises) was censored due to the graphic nature and breach of community guidelines. I inferred then that this was due to bruises being representative of violence, but then I also more specifically thought about the connection of the term to domestic violence.

Either way, it made me realize two things: (1) That is not what my account represents, and if I made the name with underlying implicit bias, it is my duty to now recognize that and undo it, and (2) I do not wish for my account name to be a trigger for anyone.

It’s funny, because when I brought the issue up with my instagram community, I received nothing short of an outpouring of support. So many of you engaged and communicated with me through my stories explaining that you had never once thought of anything negative associated with the handle. For that I am grateful!

And then I mentioned a dream. At this point, it is just that…a dream to one day have my own small business. A book and coffee boutique for families. Something that invites families in for comfort, play, and a good book. And I know I would never ever put the word ‘bruises’ in the name of my business. It just wouldn’t feel right. Even though I have no current plans to bring this dream to fruition, I know that if, down the road, I do, I would want this space to have evolved beyond ‘bruises’ so that the name on here is synonymous with the name attached to my business.

After spending the weekend chatting with all of you and asking for your ideas, I ended up with a list of about 30 options for new handles. (!!!!) All of your support, feedback, and conversations is beyond my wildest dreams, and really helped me see what a beautiful community this is. I have thought through every single option presented, including the most popular one (brosbowsandbooks), and I’ve decided on on Blue Bows and Books because of it’s softer tone. Truth be told, if you think deeply about all options, including Blue Bows and Books, you can find something unintended with how they flow. Super eye opening! But I think this one gives me the softest tone moving forward, which is representative of the creative side of things and an ode to my two sons as well. A blend of both things, which I adore. (Thanks to the friend who suggested it!)

It’s going to take time, even for me, as I grieve ‘bruisesbowsandbooks’ and get adjusted to ‘bluebowsandbooks’. The good news is bruisesbowsandbooks will always be a piece of my identity, and one that I will hold very near and dear to my heart. I’m not trying to erase it entirely, that’s why you’ll see that I won’t be changing anything on the blog or on instagram prior to this day.

It has been a journey, and one that is not over, just headed in a new direction.

I came across this meme today:

I’m working HARD to unpack my irrational anger that immediately surfaced when seeing it. I’m not sure if it’s because I am fiercely protective of my identity as a mother. Or I’m not sure if my fierce protection of my identity as a mother comes from a place of insecurity or constant wondering if I am ever meeting societal expectations of me (and my own expectations of me). Or if I’m being judged, or heck, even if I am the one judging. Sometimes I don’t even know what I think anymore, I’m in my own damn head most of the time. I wasn’t always like this though…so over-analytical with such emotional responses to seemingly silly things.

But I pondered this for a moment and I think I pinpointed everything that connected the angry dots for me.

One: Why the heck are we sitting here dividing each other in motherhood when really we should all be united? I think the intention of this meme was to call out working moms who seem to think stay at home moms have it easy (I give them all the credit in the world – I am home with the kids over the summer and there are many days where I STRUGGLE). But why on earth has our society gotten to such a place where we are all put in boxes…the working moms, the stay at home moms, the nursing moms, the formula moms, the soft moms and the yellers, the helicopters and the detached moms, the perfect moms and the crappy moms. The DIYs and the non-DIYs, the organic moms and the commercial moms, the natural birthing moms and the epidural or c-section birthing moms, the successful moms and the failing moms, the 1 kid moms and the 6 kid moms, the religious moms and the atheist moms, first-time moms and been around the block moms, heck even the moms and the non-moms,…I literally have to stop myself, I can go on and on and on. There’s something wrong when we have memes designed to put others down or make fun of the “other” camp just to make those of us in our camp feel better, and I know that’s not just in this mom world, and the mom world is just a microcosm of what’s happening in our greater society. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be human if I sat here and said I didn’t judge at times, or I didn’t have strong opinions on matters that have nothing to do with me at times, or that I am never ever a hypocrite (because I am at times). That’s what makes me human, the fact that I DO do that – but I think it’s imperative I reign myself in on that. Be metacognitive on that. Be able to dissect it and call myself out when I need to. Because I’m freaking human and I AM a work in progress, and always will be. Let’s reframe, people. Let’s realize that we are all in our own stages of life and we have zero right to judge, poke fun at, or criticize others for their decisions, choices, or stages. Nor do we have any right to put down those who choose or decide or exist differently than us, even if it is for the sake of humor or self-defense. As a little kid, my parents or my teachers never taught me to make fun of others as a way to stand up for myself. Why as an adult is that all I tend to see on social media? IT DRIVES ME WILD.

TWO: I put a lot of blame on social media for this, and I am a HUGE social media user. (See, told ya I can be hypocritical!) Once facebook and instagram and snapchat (and whoever else) decided to put us in boxes with a bio and a highlight reel, we stopped allowing ourselves to be truthfully and unapologetically us and started trying to find ways to fit in, in some cases, WITH STRANGERS. It’s a giant mind game actually. We stopped having to face our own decisions, relationships, and social interactions IRL and started allowing ourselves to be a sneaky chameleon, and to not have to be accountable for our actions, decisions, and choices as they relate to and impact others. Passive aggressiveness exploded ten fold with social media. An then there’s this. At times, it’s a great escape from reality for me and at other times it’s just exhausting. We started seeing the lives of others in a way that caused us to make comparisons, wondering if we are ever good enough, when in reality we are comparing ourselves to a false reality. I talk all the time with the husband about how hard it must be to be a kid going through school with social media around. Back when I was a kid, the biggest thing since sliced bread was tetris and snake on cell phones. Case in point: I’ve found and felt such a strong community in this space and over on the instagram side of this, but I also think that on the other side of the sword I’ve become more insecure, less confident, and generally just more questioning of myself. It’s a rollercoaster – some days I wanna give up and throw in the towel and walk away from it all because I see the worst in people (or better yet, the worst in myself), and other days I wanna create and make and share and connect because I see the best in people (or better yet, the best in myself). And the craziest piece of this all? I’m sure people read and see my content and think the same terrible things that I often see or think of others, because that’s how it’s designed to work.

So what’s the point of this post? No idea actually. Maybe just to remind myself that there are humans, actual humans, behind the screen, and I need to keep working on myself to be the best human I can be so that I don’t make the same judgy, critical, or hypocritical mistakes I’ve made in the past (or if I do, please help me reflect and be better), while simultaneously hoping that others can do the same so that we can all keep learning and growing and not assume that we’ve already gotten it right and have it all figured out. Maybe that’s the point. I really don’t know, but I feel better now. Thanks for sticking it out through all of my nonsensical word vomit.

A peek inside my summer ramblings, self-discovery, and commitment to shopping small this holiday season…

Hi everyone!! Reintroducing myself for all of the new friends here over the past few months as I’ve taken a break from writing to enjoy summer with my kiddos.

I’m Katie, and I’m a mom by life, elementary literacy specialist by trade, and an Usborne Books & More book lady, crafter, and creator by choice.

My content ebs and flows with the season and lately I’ve been into crafting and sensory play, but I also always like to share authentic literacy (and sometimes math) tips for preschool and early elementary aged kiddos because it fits with the ages and stages I’m currently in with my own kiddos, and the age range I work with at school.

I hoping to get back on here, this blog, more this fall…just looking for inspiration that I find worth writing about, and that’s been hard lately as life has been on full speed ahead with not much time for reflection or thinking! You may know me on a day to day basis as the face behind @bruisesbowsandbooks on Instagram.

You might know that this summer I spent a bunch of time soul searching and finding my identity amidst the season of motherhood. I wrote a post about my choice to join Usborne Books & More earlier this summer, so I’ll spare the details on that here, and you can just click the link to that post if you want to hear more. But while I was launching a new business, I was also recommitting to exercise, which is something that has been a huge goal of mine post baby number three, but something I could just never actually commit to consistently. I also spent lots of time this summer exploring upcycled craft ideas using cardboard and materials from the yard…mostly as a way to stop annoying my husband with endless boxes of craft supplies being delivered to the house, but also in an effort to use things that created less waste and just made more sense in terms of practicality and ease.

I have big hopes and dreams this year for this space (and I also consider the start of a new school year a time to reflect and reset, a lot like New Year’s resolutions in January). I want to get back on here and write more, and I’m looking to rediscover my mom-life inspiration and my literacy tips and tricks inspiration. I will admit, crafting was a good and mindless distraction for the summer, and I think you’ll still see some of that. Perhaps I’ll even do a summer craft post to put all of the things we did this summer in one place.

Most importantly, I’m on here now to talk a little bit about small business, and why I will plead with you to shop small as we launch head first into the upcoming holiday season. I guess I never really related to or connected with the idea of shopping small intimately – yes I did it here and there with vendors and shops I liked, but Amazon still played a large role in our day to day supplies. I think launching my own small business with UBAM allowed me to see the inside efforts that most (all?) small shop owners go through just to stay afloat. Most of any money I’ve made with UBAM so far has gone back into maintaining the business and helping with content creation on the Instagram side of things. I’m not even close to a place where I’m generating substantial income from my business. And perhaps that’s a long term goal of mine, but I know there are many small shop owners who need to make that happen now, and can’t just aim for it to happen sometime in the future.

SO, holiday shopping starts now for many people (I know some of you probably think that’s crazy!). And I’m taking some time to urge you to take a look around instagram, etsy, and just your local downtown before beelining straight to the ease of corporate America. Amazon, Target (love you!), and other large brands and companies will still be there when you can’t find what you need locally, but I do believe shifting our attention to small shops first could make a huge difference and go a long way for lots of our peers!

Some instagram/etsy/direct sales shops I’ve shopped from recently that would be great to check out for holiday gifts for little ones:

Livethescottcottage (Instagram and Etsy): Hand painted pasta kits and loose parts pieces ideal for sensory play. I love that Morgan comes out with seasonal and holiday sets, and basic sets too. A perfect place for both options, and my kids have enjoyed her sets for sensory play and crafting time and time again.

Littleoctoberhouse (Instagram and Etsy): Similar (but different!) to Morgan, Emily’s shop specializes in resin letters and seasonal resin sets perfect for sensory/small world play, decor and crafting, and homeschool activities. She had the cutest Halloween drop that will go in the kids boo baskets and make the perfect additions to our haunted neighborhood small world we’ll be creating together over the next few weeks And right now she has great sight word bundles for little learners!

Lilyandriver (Instagram, Etsy, etc.): Looking for gross motor equipment for the playroom? Or maybe just high quality and aesthetically pleasing pieces so that the playroom doesn’t look like an explosion of a space? Lily & River is perfect for you! Check out their little playsets, climbers, and activity toys for everything you might need for the perfect playroom. We have the Little Creator Table Set and I’m dying to add the Little Climber and Little Rocker to our space.

Young, Wild & Friedman (Instagram, .com): Cutest small shop by a mama in Texas who has been making themed play doh kits for all to enjoy. She makes jars, mini kits, and full kits. We’ve used the mini kits as party favors, and we consistently bring the boys dinosaur kit and bug kit on vacation with us because it’s packaged in the easiest plastic container for travel. The boys make the greatest small worlds out of bugs and dinos using their kits.

Cardboardfolk (Instagram, new book coming soon!): All my upcycle and cardboard craft-spiration comes from Kathryn and her amazing talents. She helped me brainstorm the dragon wings from this summer, and is always so thoughtful in offering her thoughts, comments, and feedback. The work she does with cardboard is amazing. I’d have entire playroom made of her toys and gadgets if I could, and she’s coming out with a great new book filled with endless ideas. Pre-order it now and show her some support!

Shop LTK: Like To Know It, a popular third party vendor for social media content creators to earn commision off of direct links without paid brand collaborations, is a great fit for helping friends out who share their style, lifestyle, toys, etc. on social media. My caution here is to avoid big influencers with big followings, and aim more to find accounts you know or who are local to you. Those big name influencers are usually past the point of making legitimate connections, and are more into the money-making, scam side of the business. By keeping it to people you know or find locally, you ensure that you’re supporting genuine accounts. Check out @unchartedyears and @living_like_lindsay‘s LTK page if you’re interested and local to the area!

Fox & Kit: A baby, toddler, and children’s boutique in Cape Cod that I adore. The absolute cutest clothes and baby/toddler/children supplies, as well as high quality toy, activity, and loose parts selection. Not local? Great news! She’s on instagram and has her own business site, and ships to you too! I order all the time because of course I’m only local occasionally.

Jen Morrissey Photography and Jennifer Langdon Photography: One is a close friend, and one has shot for us since her first time with us at our wedding. Both are CT-based photographers who are amazing at what they create! If you’re looking for wedding, newborn, lifestyle, family, holiday, or business photos, check them out! They both have such unique and candid style, and will travel to any reasonably local destination of your choice!

Usborne Books & More (me!): A great direct sales company that has allowed me to foray into the world of my own small business while sharing my love of literacy, children’s books, and children’s activities with my world. With a unicorn of a company (ask me what I mean by that!), I’ve been able to get massive amounts of great books, puzzles, games, and activities into the hands of many lucky children, with clients reaping huge benefits and rewards for themselves and the littles in their life just from having a party. I would love to throw you a virtual book party for your family and friends as a way to give you a jump start on your holiday shopping for FREE! September and October is a perfect time, and you know where to find me!

I also have friends, family members, or acquaintances with their hand in their own direct sales small business with Beach Body, Epicure, ColorStreet, Beauty Counter, Monat, Stella and Dot, and Pampered Chef (holy comeback!!) that would be worth checking out too, depending on what you’re in the market for! If you need any recommendations, let me know and I’m happy to help or make referrals!

We’re heading into the one-year anniversary of the shutdown, of COVID-19, of the pandemic – what seems like the end of life as we knew it. I was newly post-partum, heading back to work, and all of a sudden the world shut down and people were dying. The fear was real, and for my newly post-partum self, the emotions were visceral. In the beginning, we laughed it off, not really knowing or understanding the reality of it and the long journey that was just beginning. Some days were great, and I was able to find the silver linings easily – more time at home, more time with the kids, a comfortable house, sweat pants every day, curbside delivery, and Dine In CT. Some days were hell – WFH while caring for 3 under 4, a hubs who at times might not have understood I needed space, and the literal prison of not being able to leave my house or my yard, never mind the moments I CRAVED separation from the very beings who carry my heart outside of my body. And then the weeks turned into months and the humor turned more to normalcy, some days we were sane and some days we were not. Don’t get me wrong – we were fortunate then and we are fortunate now, and there are many others who have had it way worse than us. But if I were to go back and tell my pandemic self all the things I I realize now, this is what I would say:

Dear Katie,

Let. it. go. That load of laundry that sat wet in the washer overnight? Run it again. It’s not worth coming down on yourself for that. One musty load is a heck of a lot better than the MOUNTAINS of clean laundry that now sit in the hamper unfolded for days at a time (mostly till the kids run out of clean clothes to wear and we realize we have to get ‘er done). The fact that your husband can’t seem to find the hamper, and most of his clothes end up on the ground right next to it rather than inside of it? Leave it alone. Who cares, no one’s coming to the house these days anyway. The bruises put the Playmobil away the wrong way? They’re just going to play with it again tomorrow. If you fix it now, it just gets messed up again the next time around. At least they’re playing, and at least they’re attempting to clean up after themselves. One day you’ll realize these things really weren’t the end of the world, and your house was more than liveable, even when you thought you couldn’t go another day living in the mess.

Stop spending. It’s a pandemic and the world is shut down. Instead of buying 34059845098 new sweatshirts and sweat suits so that you can look like a scrub in style, save that money for things that will suit your family more. You aren’t seeing anyone anyway, and the few people you do see could care less what you look like. They just want you to be their wife and their mom. Plus, that temporary happiness you get from rocking a new sweatshirt is a lot less valuable than the long term wealth you gain from having more for your family down the road, even if it means less for you right now.

It’s ok to struggle. You will question your own mental health many days. You will wonder if you need to seek professional help, but never actually take the initiative to get it. You will experience middle of the night wakes with a racing heart and a racing mind, mostly as a result of the work/home stress and anxiety. And it will be an anxiety you aren’t used to, one you haven’t experienced before. One that triggers migraines and forces you to call out of work because you just can’t work up the courage to face the world that day, to do your job that day, to show up for your kids that day. And you know what? It’s ok. This is the hidden side of life. You’ll dig yourself out of it each time, and you’ll figure out a way to keep moving forward. You’ll find yourself again one day, and you’ll find ways to manifest that crippling stress and anxiety into something good.

Take care of yourself. And when you do take care of yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re selfish, or you’re less of a mom, or you’re less of a wife, or you’re less of a professional, or you’re less of a woman. And stop looking to social media or pop culture to figure out what it means to take care of yourself. If taking care of yourself means eating cookies and candy, do it. If taking care of yourself means finding time to exercise again, do it. If taking care of yourself means letting go of the expectations society has set for you or if taking care of yourself means embracing the expectations society has set for you, do it. If taking care of yourself means saying yes more or if taking care of yourself means saying no more, do it. And don’t feel badly about it. And definitely don’t apologize for it. Those littles who need you most will get a better you if you start taking care of yourself. You’ll be better for yourself and you’ll be better for them. It’s a win-win.

Be more present and practice patience. Stop thinking that things will go back to normal tomorrow. Don’t plan any parties or book any vacations. When you look up the definition of pandemic, believe it. But don’t let it consume you. Take things a day at a time, and work on managing the present moment in a way that helps you all survive that moment, or better yet, be happy or content in that moment. Turn off the TV, put your phone away, and do a craft even if your two year old can’t handle it, or play a board game as a family even if turn taking is hard. Live in the moment, stop thinking about the past or the future.

Show your teammate you care. Your number 1, your ride or die…he always shows up. Remember that. He puts up with your moods, your anal retentiveness, your stubbornness, and your princess requests. Go out of your way to make sure he knows how much you appreciate him and how much you value his teamwork. Stop comparing how much you do to how much he does. It’s not a competition, you’re on the same team, and you help each other out.

Play. Play with your kids, play like your kids, play like an adult. Do things that bring you joy, indulge in more wine, be silly, dance like a goofball. Now is a better time than any to literally dance like no one is watching – because literally no one is watching. And stop feeling guilty if you played more than you should have. Who cares if you’re 33 and have a hangover, or who cares if you have work in the morning. Because literally the world is at a stand still and we are living a new normal one moment at a time.

Accept yourself for all of you, and don’t feel guilty, shameful, or worthless because of it. You are you and no one and no thing can take that away from you. Live your life the way you want to live it, and stop putting pressure on yourself in comparison to others. Your hair’s falling out because it’s postpartum 3 and it’s the worst yet? Flaunt it. You have a pouch for a belly because your skin just won’t go back to normal anymore? Be proud of it. You can’t get that extra work done at night or on the weekends because your family needs you more? The world goes on. And don’t judge anyone else who may be doing things differently than you, or worse, don’t feel less adequate by what others are able to do that you can’t.

Enjoy the snuggles. The lazy mornings laying in bed. The pillows being thrown in piles for the world’s biggest “the floor is lava” game. The leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The flat yard with the swingset. The dog who follows you and the kids around all day, just like the 6th family member he is. Pick up the phone calls and facetimes from family and friends. Ask others how they are doing and listen to what they say before moving on to the real reason you called. Be thoughtful. Say I love you. Accept criticism with grace and make an effort to make change. Grow instead of staying status quo.

You got this, I can’t wait to see who you’ve become on the other side, because if it doesn’t seem it now, I know you’ll be someone you’re proud of, someone you’re inspired by, and someone you’re empowered from.

Your same self,

Katie