Tag: mom

Blue

Right from Terrible Twos to My Little Threenager

by KatieN1 Comment on Right from Terrible Twos to My Little Threenager
The middle child. The younger and far more spicier bruise.

HOLY MIDDLE CHILD!

No seriously, I don’t know if it’s just a stereotype or some funny joke that people make but our middle child is the epitome of MIDDLE CHILD. And I’m tired. Like I can’t fight the exhaustion any longer. And when his daycare provider starts asking me questions about his ability to listen, attention span, you know, all the things I’m frustrated with at home, I get that pit in my stomach like oh gosh here we go he is that child.

A few nights ago we started weaning him off the pacifier. And he was addicted so we fully anticipated it’d be hard. We used the “snip the tip” trick. If you don’t know, now you know. Our pedi recommended it when the oldest bruise was having trouble weaning from his…after we had tried both cold turkey and the binky fairy. And it was a miracle. But we also weaned the oldest at just over 2 years old, and Dominic is closer to 3 years old right now (I know, I know, we’ve been lazy about it but ehh who cares!). He’s only been using it at night/naps since turning 1, but still he was addicted.

Honestly, it’s been easy…he whined a little bit night one, but we told him his binky was getting smaller because he was getting bigger and offered him his favorite stuffed dino instead and eventually he went to sleep. And then he was fine at daycare and each night as I’ve snipped a little bit more off the 5,000 binkies he has, he’s been totally fine.

BUT let’s talk about awake time, because since the first snip, during awake times he’s been a monster. He’s always been our more emotional, loud, intense, mischievous, physical (any other adjectives I’m missing?) child but these past 5 days have been a whole new monster, a bigger one. Of course I love this monster with all my heart so please don’t take this post that way. I’m really wondering if this new monster was birthed out of the pacifier transition. Could it be?!

It’s this new monster that inspired me to write this post because it also got me thinking about terrible twos and threenagers. And I realized we’re probably in the heat of it because we have the best of both worlds colliding since he is turning three in a few months. I feel like we were lucky with Luca because he didn’t really give us a terrible two phase or a threenager phase. Maybe that’s just because he was the first child. But it’s got me thinking and I want some advice. Here are the things we are struggling with right now:

  • Voice volume: On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being no voice and 10 being outdoor-voice-scream-as-if-you’re-in-trouble, he’s at a hard 10 most of the time.
  • Patience: If he asks for his water and I don’t give it to him before he’s done asking, it’s an immediate whine fest, which leads to the next one.
  • Whining: 24/7 whining to the point where he needs to be reminded to “speak like a big boy” or “ask nicely”…I’m at that point where I model for him what he should be saying/doing, and it often sounds like this: “Dominic, try saying ‘Mommy can I please have a snack?’ instead of ‘I WANNNNTTTTT SNACKKKKK NNNOOOWWWW!'”
  • Anger and Biting: The oldest bruise was long over the biting phase by now. But when Dominic is really, really, really angry – at his brother – he still bites, and he bites hard. We have had a handful of occasions where he has bitten Luca so hard that there is blood, and a full teeth circle bruise left over on Luca for weeks. The good news is he hasn’t done it to anyone other than Luca in a year, but I still worry so much about his anger management if, at his worst, it comes to this.
  • Listening: This one doesn’t make me lose my temper, instead it just makes me worry. Any time we give him a direction or ask a question, he definitely hears us, but doesn’t actually listen to us. We have to tell him to get his shoes from the bin 20 times, each time more aggressively and loudly before he actually gets his shoes. His daycare provider says he’s always the last one that everyone has to wait for during transitions (because, and I quote my daycare provide, “He’s usually still in the middle of the room dancing or jumping around.” Yup sounds about right). Or sometimes we will even tell him something, he’ll look at us and smile, and completely ignore (or do the opposite!) of what we just asked. It’s maniacal actually.

Before I go running to the pedi at our three year appointment with all of these concerns (that are probably just normal but when it’s your kid you worry way more right?), what’s your take? I want all the tips and tricks for everything above, because I can’t keep losing my patience any longer. Is this all related to the binky? Or some type of bigger developmental phase? (Usually I’m pretty good at understanding these phases, but this just seems kind of out of the blue.) And if it’s some bigger developmental change, what can I do that’s different from my usual lose-my-patience-then-lose-my-sh*t approach? Help a sister out because I need it!

Books

Social Justice Through Children’s Literature Part 2: Gender Identity, Stereotypes, and Discrimination

by KatieN1 Comment on Social Justice Through Children’s Literature Part 2: Gender Identity, Stereotypes, and Discrimination

Last week I wrote about ability and strength, up next is gender. This one’s personal, because, well, I am in the minority group of this category. And to give you a snapshot of myself in a nutshell, I have two profound memories/experiences growing up that really shape this part of my identity.

That’s me circa fifth grade? Spent most of my childhood and adolescence in Ts and gym shorts, and sweats are still my preferred outfits today.

First, I was a total athlete growing up — I ate, slept, and breathed sports. I worked my a** off to ‘get good’ at any sport I set my mind to, and worked my way through soccer, basketball, and eventually field hockey. Played club all the way through college, and playing sports is when I felt I was my best self. But I experienced a lot of gender crisis and coming to age moments because of this. I remember one day, high school, I think? Where I called my mom admitting I was feeling depressed and bawling my eyes out because I felt like I couldn’t live up to the girly expectations and pressure I was feeling at school. Felt like I looked like crap, was insecure, and generally just hormonal and crazy. I have the best mom ever, so she promptly took me shopping to find outfits that I thought would match what I needed to look like. She did everything for me, and I love her for it. I spent most of my high school days preferring to be in sweats and t-shirts…longing for game days because I could wear my sports gear and feel comfortable and dreading other days because I’d sweat through outfits that I thought would make me look the way I was supposed to look..feminine and composed. Obviously I’ve grown up now and realize my experience mirrors many experiences adolescents go through, and I know that it wasn’t nearly as bad as others’ experiences might have been, so for that I’m grateful. But middle and high school is hard, y’all. Because that’s when we really start to face our own identity head on, and how that identity fits in (or doesn’t fit in) with pop culture and our society.

Second, I hated — and I mean HATED — math and science as a kid. I hated it because I wasn’t good at it, and I never felt like anyone really reached out to me to help me understand it. Like really understand it. I’d stay after school with (mostly male) math teachers for extra tutoring and they’d just keep drilling me on formulas and giving me practice problems to apply the formula. And then I’d take these tests with novel problems and have no idea what to do. “Hmm I guess I’ll just use this formula and hope it’s the right one,” would always run through my mind. And then I’d fail tests, badly. I always got As and Bs because of participation and homework (go figure), but I never ever really understood the math. Still have bad number sense to this day because of it. One day I even cursed out my physics teacher in front of everyone and stormed out crying because I. JUST. DIDN’T. GET. IT. and no one was answering my cries for help. I felt so alone and inadequate. And only now do I realize that I fell directly into that trap of women in math and science. I was subconsciously driven away from the discipline by my environment and the people in it, most likely because I was a girl. No, people weren’t explicitly saying “She’s a girl, don’t bother,” but I can almost guarantee that when they saw me struggle, they didn’t help me because they wanted me to understand it, they helped me to simply get me through the class. And that, right there, my friends, is implicit bias around gender.

*If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and listening as I relived some pretty formative experiences with you.*

So, my list of children’s books that help me explore gender identity, stereotypes, and discrimination is two-fold. On one hand, I’ve included titles that address gender stereotypes and identity. On the other hand, I’ve included titles that address implicit bias, and discrimination against women, and how we might encourage our fellow male counterparts, whether they are the adults or children in our lives, to be an ally. I also included one title on transgender. This is probably controversial to some, and many would advise to ‘stay away’ from this topic until middle or high school, when kids’ brains are more developed to understand this concept. But let me tell you, this advice is once again formed from implicit bias and discomfort. If we looked at kids’ true, lived experiences, we’d realize we need to start addressing it now. In my 10 years in teaching so far, I have witnessed a kindergartener, second grader, and fourth grader (and their families) experience gender questioning and confusion. In two of these instances, these beautiful souls realized, and publicly declared, that they are transgender. And these are the ones who have felt comfortable and brave enough to go through this journey. We know many do not until much later in adulthood, and some never at all.

5 Children’s Picture Books to Support Gender Identity, Stereotypes, and Discrimination

One of A Kind, Like Me / Único como yo by Laurin Mayeno: A bilingual English and Spanish story about a boy named Danny who wants to be a princess for his school parade. The story features his mom, an ally to Danny, as she supports him in finding the materials needed to make his costume. At the end, there’s a wonderful exchange between Danny and his classmates about Danny’s choice to be a princess and how the other students process it. Best for grades 1-3.

ABC For Me: What Can He/She Be? by Sugar Snap Studio and Jessie Ford: Both ABC What Can He Be and ABC What Can She Be is a series of board books that teaches boys and girls they can grow up to be or have any profession they choose. It is subtle – it does not directly address the issue of gender, but the professions included in each text are ones that are often associated with the other gender if thinking in the terms of a binary gender system. Best for babies – grade 1.

A Is for Awesome!: 23 Iconic Women Who Changed the World by Eva Chen: Another ABC board book, but this one showcases women from history who have overcome obstacles and challenges to achieve great accomplishments and make great contributions to our world and our society. Not only does this book support women in shattering the glass ceiling, it also features women of many different cultures, ethnicities, and backgrounds – kind of a double whammy! Best for babies – grade K.

My First Book of Feminism for Boys by Julie Merberg: Another board book (gee, I have a lot for babies on this topic!), this one targets young boys especially, in helping them to understand what they can do to be an ally to women, without being too pushy or direct. The language is simple, and so are the pictures, and while it is designed for babies and toddlers, I’ll still revisit it with my boys as they get older and understand this more. Best for babies – toddlers, but useful through elementary school as well.

I Am Jazz by Jessica Herthel: This picture book tells the story of Jazz Jennings, based on her real life experiences of being transgender, and recognizing her discomfort with her assigned gender at birth at a very young age. The story is told in a simple, clear way and has received great reviews. Jazz Jennings continues to be a spokesperson for transkids everywhere. Best for preK – grade 4.

Remember, each title is linked directly to my Amazon List for Social Justice Children’s Literature, including other titles in this topic that didn’t make my top 5 but still deserved a shout out. I hope you enjoy!

Bows

My Top 5 for Her

by KatieNLeave a Comment on My Top 5 for Her

I’m pretty delicate and traditional when it comes to my style for Tessa. I like girly, muted colors, but also love anything with fruit or floral patterns. Lemons, strawberries, and purple wildflowers are no brainers for my purchasing habits! I’m also a big fan of anything muslin or crinkle cotton. This age is perfection because I get to have all the fashion fun. I know in a few short years (months?!), she’ll start calling the shots for her own outfits. Bring on alllll the princess dresses. But until then, I’ll have my cake and eat it too. Here are my top 5 brands/stores for all things Bows:

  1. Little Poppy Co.: BOWS. Bows, bows, bows, and more BOWS! The most common question I get asked from family and friends is “Where do I get her bows?” This is answer #1. Little Poppy Co. is a subscription service where you get three bows monthly, and they are THEMED for the month or season. How perfect is that? These bows have provided me with endless options and I’m obsessed. The bows are often more delicate; more like ribbon bows with a stretchy nylon band. They come in different sizes based on your preference for baby, and they come in either headband or clip options. There are also monthly add-ons you can choose to purchase for extra $$$. You have three different purchase options, including monthly, 6 months at a time, or 12 months at a time. The 6 month and 12 month options are a one-time purchase and slightly cheaper, whereas the monthly option can be canceled at any time.
  2. SpearmintLOVE: This is answer #2 to the bows question. The best part about this site is the bows AND clothes for babies and kids. I get most of the larger, oversized bows here (though they do sell and I have gotten the delicate ones too). They are super comfy and super stretchy, especially if you stick with the ones that are actually SpearmintLOVE brand. They have other great brands too, like Baby Bling Bows and L’ovedbaby. We’re big fans of the clothes here too. I love all things ruffle-butt, so their ruffle sleepers are pristine. I’ve also gotten a lot of summer bubbles in crinkle cotton or muslin here too.
  3. L’ovedbaby: Absolutely worth the splurge! Especially if your taste in all things girl is similar to mine. I love the vintage inspiration to most of their collections. Their onesies were staples in the newborn stage for all our kids, and as Tessa has gotten older I’ve become scarily addicted to three of their collections: the Organic Cotton Muslin collection, The Vintage Collection, and the Organic Cotton Pointelle collection. Their bows are adorable too, and we have a few of them, but Tessa’s got a BIG noggin so they tend to be too small on her.
  4. Burt’s Bees Baby: Started with their pjs for all my kids, and I was in heaven when the loose fit ones came out for smaller sizes – no more fighting to get her feet through the tight ankle bands. Best part about their pjs is they get super comfy with time. The more washes, the softer. I’ve also graduated past their pjs, and have gotten a bunch of their clothes to have on hand for more casual outfits. Their 2020 family jammies just came out for pre-order yesterday. I’m loving the Reindeer and O Christmas Tree patterns this year!
  5. H&M: If there’s a single clothing store that I’d have to use to describe my style for Tessa, it’d be this one. They’ve got lots of options and update stock and style often…but if you just scroll through and look at their “Baby Girls 4m-4y” tab you’ll get a great sense for my preferred styles and colors on Tessa. Affordability never hurt anyone either.

First honorable mention goes out to Gap/Old Navy because of their sheer inventory and easy access to staples. I NEVER buy anything full price from these places because they run such great sales so often. And when you don’t feel bad about the price you paid for something, you don’t feel bad when your baby inevitably stains it with poop, food, or dirt. Second honorable mention goes out to Nordstrom because of their selection of other fun brands and styles. There are other pricier brands that I like to splurge on sometimes, and the first place I usually check is Nordstrom. The Nordy Club (rewards program) has substantial enough rewards that it makes it very worthwhile to check here for a certain brand or item first before going directly to the brand’s site.

**Please note, I am NOT employed by the mentioned companies and brands, I’m simply a mom on the internet sharing her opinion.

Books

“To Go” Packs

by KatieN1 Comment on “To Go” Packs

Moms, you can thank me later. We created “To Go” packs organically one day when I literally couldn’t fit the things the bruises were asking me to take with them into my diaper bag. It’s stuffed to the brim with all the stuff I actually need, and probably forgotten toys and snacks at the bottom because it’s just an endless pit anyways. They’ve been a lifesaver and here’s why.

Luca and Dominic get to pack their “To Go” packs every time we go to a restaurant or any place that doesn’t have kid-friendly activities or things to do. I have rules around my “To Go” packs, and they actually LOVE when it’s time to whip ’em out and pack ’em up. The rules are simple:

  1. Anything you pack has to fit in the To Go pack. This helps us (me!) avoid having to tote around a massive T-Rex or over-sized coloring book.
  2. The To Go pack has to zip up. This helps us (me!) avoid having to bring every animal, car, dino, food item, notebook, and crayon along with us.
  3. You have to carry your own To Go pack. This helps ME. Period. Not only am I no longer responsible for keeping track of and finding the things you’d like to play with at the restaurant, but I also don’t have to break my back lugging a 40 pound diaper bag around.
  4. The To Go pack has to have a combination of learning toys and for-fun toys. The learning toys (see photo above) are kept in a place where the boys don’t have every-day access to, and the for-fun toys are toys from the playroom they can simply choose to bring along. They end up loving the learning toys the most anyway because novelty is good and I like to add new things into the box randomly so they are always surprised.
  5. The To Go pack never has food or snacks. My kids snack their way through the day anyway, so free access to all things food, especially junk, never works out in my favor. And I don’t want to find any ants or bugs in your bag because you put an open but unfinished travel pack of goldfish back in there. I keep the snacks in the diaper bag.

There’s a reason every mom and teacher loves Target, Home Goods, TJ Maxx, and Marshall’s. ALL my learning toys usually come from the bargain aisle at Target (Ladies, NOW is the time to hit this aisle up if there’s any chance the kids will be home with you for remote learning in the fall. If you wait till August, it’s picked over and all the good stuff’s gone!), or one of the Maxx franchises. The bruises and I really love the Melissa and Doug brand. It’s a CT based company so we feel like we’re supporting something local (just in my head?), and they tend to be quality products that are easy on the eye, not electronic, developmentally appropriate, educational, and affordable. The Water Wow packs and travel coloring kits are some of our favorites.

Blue

My Bruises

by KatieN1 Comment on My Bruises

If anyone is wondering (I’m sure you’re not…you get the concept) why I coined them my bruises, it’s because I’m dealing with this 95% of my day. When I happened to snag this on camera today, it was all in good fun. But I’d say we run a 50/50 line there…one minute we’re best friends and the next we’re pure enemies.

COVID has been sucky from all angles. So I tell myself for my own sanity that I need to count my silver linings. One of them has definitely been these two becoming bonafide best buds. When literally the only peer you see for weeks on end is your two-year-old/four-year-old brother, you are forced to play together. We’re lucky these two have taken to it so well. I’ll take the endless bruises any day if this is the outcome.

I figure this is a good time to explain my two bruises, too. Because they couldn’t be more opposite. Luca is my first born, and with that came all the typical first born things. Yep, I coddled him, catered to him, and gave him everything he ever wanted. The endless and growing pile of crap in my playroom is testament to that. So inherently he’s the mama’s boy. He’s curious but cautious, likes to cuddle, and can turn on the fake whine or cry on a dime. He listens when I tell him no or ask for help. Dominic is the middle child, and with that came all things middle child. He’s a mischievous maniac that likes to solve problems with his fists or his teeth (gasp!). He’s bold and blonde and will probably be a little heartbreaker. He doesn’t listen when I tell him no or ask for help.

The last thing I want is for this blog to be a brag blog. But a little context never hurt. You’ll see the humor in future blog posts if you take the time to read this one!

About

What do you want to read about?

by KatieNLeave a Comment on What do you want to read about?

As much as I can rattle off ideas for content or thumb through the photos on my phone for inspiration, I know there will be days or weeks where I got nothin’. I’d love for this page to be as interactive as possible. If you’re a fellow mom or teacher, or just someone who stumbled upon this page and wants to give me a run for my money, I’m game. Ask me a question, drop me a line, give me some feedback. If you’re a fellow blogger and happen to notice how much my page is struggling in design and/or content, give me some advice, I’m begging you!

About

My family

by KatieN1 Comment on My family

So by now you’ve heard about the two bruises and the bow in my life. And let me tell you they are my everything. But there are two other members of my family that you probably won’t hear as much about (on here anyway). My husband’s name is Mike and usually he thinks I’m all things corny, but surprisingly he’s been super supportive of my foray into blogging. So much so he even offered to pay half of my domain fees…he knows I’m a teacher coming off maternity leave surviving off a balloon check in the middle of summer.

Then there’s the dog…you know…the family member who starts off as your baby when you’re newly married but six years later turns into, Brady..who? whenever someone asks “Hey, how’s Brady doing?” Between toddler-tail-tugs and baby-bops, our not-so-little puggle Brady gets the short end of the stick most days, but he’s as loyal and loving as ever. At the end of the day, he completes our family…after all, he’s been here since the beginning.

About

Bruises Bows and Books…explained

by KatieN2 Comments on Bruises Bows and Books…explained

Ok so I kind of explained myself on my homepage, but I know it’s not really clear and I don’t really know the first thing about writing a blog. I was kind of hoping I’d sign up, pick a template, and just have to fill in the blanks…how naive! I’m learning as I go and man is it a heck of a lot harder than you would think. My dreams of becoming @themotherchic or @livinginyellow or @dayswithgrey overnight are dashed.

Anyway…the Bruises and Bows section of this page have to do with my kids. I’ll share triumphs and trials of raising two (very different!) boys on the Bruises page, and I’ll share triumphs and trials of raising my girl on the Bows page. I’ll share the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you don’t have to agree with me. I’ll share tips and tricks for the education and development of elementary aged kids, including my own, on the Books page. My expertise is in reading and writing instruction, but I dabble in math too….my dear colleague, Tara, is the math specialist and my partner in crime at school, and she has taught me everything I know about raising mathematically literate kiddos.

I’m not so sure I’ll get any followers here, and that’s ok. If it just turns into being my own (public?!) diary, I’m cool with that. I was always into journaling growing up anyway.